The Man of My Dreams

Finally, at the age of 28, I have found my soul mate.  You know, the person we hear about in love stories? Someone just so unbelievably like the person I asked for in prayers and in my dreams.  Someone who loves me more than any other person on this earth.

It was hard for a while before I met him.  I often wondered if I would end up like one of those creepy old guys you see in the bar staring at the younger ones, with this voice in he back of their head saying that they've missed their chances.  But by following my heart and being true to myself, breaking free of everyone else's expectations and just being, I am on the right divine path and finally met "the one".  I believe that we all have a soul mate but the only way we get to that person is by following your most cherished dreams and being pure hearted.  It's essential for a relationship.

My boyfriend and I have laughed together, cried together and most importantly; loved together.  We know what each other are thinking without even saying a word.  Sometimes when we're not together, we can feel what kind of day the other is having without even knowing.  Our connection is stronger than any other we've experienced.  We are true lovers even in a world where religious fanatics tell us "gays can't have functional relationships."

With every day we spend together, our relationship is stronger and we have proved to ourselves time and time again that it doesn't matter what others think of us.  We only live by our own expectations which follows closest to our hearts and our hearts are like one.  It's our love that slays the idea of our loving expressions as being sinful. When we burn with passions, we're their for each other. We're there for each other for many reasons and all we can do is laugh at the those who make theories about us from afar but are not willing to walk with us.  Because only those who have walked in these shoes of ours, know the truth in our hearts and in our lives.  Sometimes people can see enough of that and realize that there is no "devil" in what we are doing.

The divine is with us, guiding us through our relationship.  It's unquestionable to us because of all of the magical things which we've experienced together.  Any doubts of the goodness in being gay are shattered when we are together and our love conquers this demon lurking in congregations and other communities.  The demon of arrogance which is projecting fear onto us from afar. But as long as we're far from it, it proves that people aren't willing to understand.  I challenge those who are anti-gay to break free of fear and see how some of your thoughts are not necessarily so.  Befriend us rather than fearing us and staying your distance.

The man of my dreams has entered into my life and I couldn't be happier.  It's like I'm in this dream that I haven't awoken from because it's all too magical and wonderful.  Never fear your desires of love because as long as you continue to do you part to positively share your power within yourself, then the right things will come and challenges will get easier.  They have in my life anyway.

"What's with this Witchy Stuff?"

Not long ago I sat down with a friend who is a priest in the Anglican church. She's been beside me for sometime as I have been battling the Goliath in the church called homophobia. She is someone very dear to my heart and I have the utmost respect for her.

I hadn't seen her in a few months and since then I had come out about my spiritual beliefs which are very close to the Wiccan beliefs, although I do not necessarily practice very many rituals. So she asked me, "What's with this witchy stuff?" I had been worried about telling her, because she had the most faith in me becoming more involved in the church, she told others in the church that she could see me in ministry. She had set up appointments with people in the church in regards to my vocation with the church.

It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time... but deep down inside the depths of my heart, mind and soul there was this battle going on. I had this fear, that if I were to obtain such a role in the church, that I would be lying to myself. I wondered if I would change certain aspects of myself that I cherish. I wondered if I would actually be me, or be holding back on the magic inside me that now seems to flow so beautifully and freely.

Just before my priest-friend's sabbatical leave, I stopped going to church to break free and dig down deep into my body, mind and soul. The result being that the magic inside me, hadn't been enlightened in my life to it's fullest, which is now my official spiritual goal. Then recently, I was sitting in my priest-friend's office about the Christian support groups which we had coordinated together.

I basically answered that I was journeying and that I had become in touch with my most inner-self. That I wasn't sure about the "God thing" because I don't want to be narrow minded and not consider what other's believe. I told her that I loved the Jesus story but question it's legitimacy. I asked, who really knows that they're right about God in this world?

At the end of our meeting, I was sitting with her, waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. She told me a little bit about this story about these blind men feeling this elephant.

The Blind Men and the Elephant

John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887)

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined,

Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind),

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind.

The First approached the Elephant,

And happening to fall

Against his broad and sturdy side,

At once began to bawl:

"God bless me! but the Elephant

Is very like a WALL!"

The Second, feeling of the tusk,

Cried, "Ho, what have we here,

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me 'tis mighty clear

This wonder of an Elephant

Is very like a SPEAR!"

The Third approached the animal,

And happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands,

Thus boldly up and spake:

"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant

Is very like a SNAKE!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand, 

And felt about the knee

"What most this wondrous beast is like

Is mighty plain," quoth he:

"'Tis clear enough the Elephant

Is very like a TREE!"

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,

Said: "E'en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most;

Deny the fact who can,

This marvel of an Elephant

Is very like a FAN!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope,

Than seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope,

"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant

Is very like a ROPE!"

And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong,

Though each was partly in the right,

And all were in the wrong!

Source:

http://www.constitution.org/col/blind_men.htm

She told me that God is like the elephant and the blind men are all like men from different religions.  That God is even bigger than what any man can describe, which I would have to agree with.  Whether it be "God" or some other sort of supernatural force, the story behind our existence will most likely always remain incorrect by the human race.

So we retreat and we find our own personal meanings in our lives.  For me, it's spirituality, the power within, family, friends and most of all; love.  A lot of the things that are taught in religions are valuable and work great for people, and I have nothing against that.  But in today's world, I think that it's all common sense now.  That we don't need to worship ancient stories in order to find divination in one's life.  Doing your best as a human being and following your dreams are what brings this world together.

Maybe indifference will one day be defeated if we all just learned to listen rather than bite each other's heads off because of simple disagreements and misunderstandings.

Haunted

I think of my past a lot.  My favourite moments of my life, friends who I miss hanging out with and even who I once was... These memories I hold onto, sometimes I wish I could go back to and relive my most cherished memories and it doesn't help that the world seems to lose goodness as we grow older.  Maybe everyone thinks the world was better when they were younger... Maybe I'm just running after these memories that haunt my heart because things just aren't the same.

You know, those memories that give you these unique feelings that we just can't describe?  And in the moment we don't even realize just how special those moments really are until we're haunted with replayed memories making us feel like our best moments have passed. I remember my friends in high school, running around the city like idiots, shooting fireworks at each other just not giving a shit about tomorrow.  Or even further back, when my extended family would have our holiday get together's at my grandparents' house, singing carols.  I remember going to Youth Groups, when I never really thought about such things as dogma or sins.  Just being a kid, doing things that kids normally do.

Then one day, responsibilities rush into our lives and things start to change faster and sooner.  Life gets harder, and sometimes even darker.  Day by day, finding it harder to fight our demons and fearing that our greatest nightmares will one day come true.  But the people we love, the people who are there for us, seem to make us want to fight our demons, because without them, where would we be?

I'm trying my best, day by day, to create even greater memories than the ones that haunt me.  I'm trying to have faith in my future and holding on to the people in my life that I create good, positive memories with.  I wonder, at the end of our lives, because all that we have are our haunting memories, will I be happy with the memories that I have?  Will my life feel fulfilled?  I'm trying my best to make sure it does.

Pondering My Existence

I often wonder why we're here and why the source of why we are here never seems to come forth and explain the big mystery.  Was our existence just all a fluke?  Or did we come from something divine? It all comes down to what you choose to believe I suppose because it's the one thing that always will remain a mystery in my eyes.

I really want to believe that we have divine plans in our lives and that each one of us was born at a certain time, a certain place and with certain people in our lives.  I'd like to think that we were created by something.  But I often slip in to this empty feeling of being lost in all of the theories and as a result, I'm left with a scary realisation that for the rest of my life, I will be pondering why I am here on this earth.

Of course there's my wonderful family and friends who have made my life something worth living and even wonderful for the most part.  They ease my mind of all of this pondering I have and for the moments I'm with them, nothing really matters but us.  The love and truths that are shared between us give me this happiness and encouragement of taking on my life further and further.

But if for some freak reason, everyone I knew and loved left me, what would I have?  Still left with all of these ideas of my existence and trying to make sense of it all while my ideas evolve further, until finally I'm at the end of my rope and I can really only rely on what I have come up with on my own for my beliefs.  But is it really ever enough?

There's so many theories and stories about why we are here and all of them seem to be different, but for the most part they all have similarities.  Maybe it's just because of how humans think or maybe it's just because we've found agreements with each other somewhere along the way.  But real knowledge of what happened, never comes forth.  Science and theories always re-evaluated and corrected.  Theories changing even more.  Whether your pro-religion or pro-science, we're all just lost in a sea of voices shouting out ideas about why we're here but nothing ever is for sure.

I wonder... If a God created us, why wouldn't he silence all of this yelling and screaming about our existence with an absolute unquestionable truth?  Are we ever truly "found" by God in a world where everyone seems to be lost in their theories of existence?  Or does it all make sense when we die?  Do all of the energy and thoughts not burn out, but transfer to a place beyond where the divine shows us the truth?  I have no idea and frankly it's all a little too mind boggling at times.

I guess I'll just continue to do the best with all that I have and all that I am... Because nothing else seems to work.

On "God's Not Dead" movie

Hey friends. As I said on my f book, I am doing a blog on the new Christian hyped movie "God's Not Dead".

First of all it was a little bit better than I had expected.. but it still was a terrible view on Christian culture and nonbelievers. The debates between the Christian student and Athiest professor were obviously the most intriguing parts of the movie which made me as an agnostic,  feel more excited for the the Christian student in a sense that he was trying to show people that we are all a part of some divine plan.

I believe in a certain divine path for everyone but don't necessarily think it has to be Christianity as the basis of peoples beliefs. I personally was happy to see the classmates agree that God was not dead because as long as others are happy and fulfilled in their spiritual lives, then I'm happy for them.

The big problem with the movie however, is that they made it seem like that if you were Christian then nothing unfortunate would happen to you, which is complete b.s... and then they show nonbelievers getting cancer, smashed car windows and even getting hit by a car... its that whole silly idea that only bad things happen to those who aren't Christian and personally,  I've been "blessed" since I've requestioned my beliefs.

The Muslim father who disowned his daughter for believing in Jesus was interesting also... cause we never see that sort of thing happen in the Christian culture, right? ;) What about the kids who come out to their parents about there sexuality? Oh, but they won't bring up those things now, will they? ;)

The Christian life is not some peachy path to the divine source even though we see a lot of Christians faking it and pretending that everything is all peachy. You can have just as good of a life if you are a good person to others and even Athiest. I can tell you that my Athiest grandfather had a happy fulfilling life because he never thought less of people for their beliefs. He loved us with all of his heart and was always someone to be looked up to regardless of your religious beliefs.

This movie had so much manipulative bull s**t loaded into it that overall it was pretty bad. In response, I would say "divination is not dead, but some of these religious fanatics need to grow up and see the world for what it is."

Thanks.

Willey out!

Is There a God?

It's been a number of months since my last post. I've been going through a lot of thinking and have finally come to a point where things are starting to click in for new blog posts. The big question on my mind these days, "Is there a God."

I really have no idea and I have come to the conclusion that no one reading this even knows. I have heard many times the automated response of the Christian community "I know in my heart that I'm right." But isn't saying this just another way of saying that you feel good about yourself for maintaining your current belief system?

There's also this idea that Christians often have that if anyone isn't on the same path as them, then their life will only get worse. What if I told you that I left the Christian faith and my life has gotten better ever since? not to say that I expect everyone to leave the Christian faith on my account. But it brings forth a very interesting question.

Does it matter what one's spiritual beliefs are in order to obtain a divine path in their own life? I would have to say that I strongly don't think that it matters which ancient God story you believe in (if any) as long as you are just being true to your inner self and sharing your magic with others around you in a loving and positive manner.

So obviously I ditched the idea of becoming more professionally involved with the church. A big reason why I decided to do so was that I wanted to be free of the fear of what people would think of me if I did certain things in my life. I'm fairly liberal I suppose and I have a bit of a crazy sense of humour which not everyone can appreciate. I just feel the need to be myself and continue with my silly YouTube projects even though I'm nearly 30. But i have a feeling that my new project, Homosexuligion is going to blow a lot of peeps away. In 2015 there will be another project as well.

I'll reveal more of what's been on my mind later. ;)

Willey out!